In week 1, we learned to enjoy God. Last week, we learned to enjoy ourselves. This week, we're learning to enjoy our family. Next week, we'll learn about enjoying our work. And we'll finish the campaign by learning to find joy in all circumstances.

Did you know that, if you’re married, it’s a command to “enjoy life with your wife”?

Six months after Lori and I said our vows, we moved all our worldly goods to Denver, Colorado, so I could complete my seminary education. Scott and Nancy Campbell, a couple very much like us, moved in two doors down. Scott and I became Scripture memory partners. Every week, we would get together to quiz each other on the verses we were memorizing.

One week Scott said, “Hey! I discovered a great verse for couples.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“Ecclesiastes 9:9 – ‘Enjoy life with your wife you love all the days of your fleeting life…’”

That’s a good verse, isn’t it? It even rhymes! [Life, wife, life….]

In the opening chapters of Ecclesiastes, Solomon explains that he's had the unique opportunity to explore just about every option in the world. As the wisest man ever, he's delved into learning and education. As a king, he's explored the benefits of power. As the richest man alive, he's indulged in the pleasure of possessing and experiencing. As an ambitious man, he's looked for fulfillment in hard work and accomplishments. And as a public figure, he's examined the advantages of fame.

His conclusion? You've only got one life, so decide to enjoy it! Do things that honor God and benefit others and things that bring you joy.

Here’s his directive:
“Go, eat your bread with pleasure, and drink your wine with a cheerful heart, for God has already accepted your works. 8 Let your clothes be white all the time, and never let oil be lacking on your head. 9 Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life, which has been given to you under the sun, all your fleeting days. For that is your portion in life and in your struggle under the sun. 10 Whatever your hands find to do, do with all your strength, because there is no work, planning, knowledge, or wisdom in Sheol where you are going” (Ecclesiastes 9:7-9).

Enjoy your food, your clothes, your work, and your wife. Good list! You’ll only live once. Don’t miss these wonderful things God sets before you every day.

Do you know how to "enjoy your wife" (or husband or future spouse)? I have a few suggestions:

• Listen to her (or him). Listen to what’s behind their words. 1 Peter 3:7 says, “Live with her in an understanding way.” What’s she struggling with? Excited about? Looking forward to it? This person you are married to is remarkably and wonderfully made. Revel in the thoughts she shares with you.
• Pray for her (or him). Pray for anyone who aligns you with their best interests. Especially your spouse's. Praying with them bonds you together.
• From time to time, review the list of reasons you fell in love with her/him. Familiarity can make you forget, but those reasons are still there.
• Create moments together. Over dinner. Or a date, vacation, board game, movie, walk, or a trip to the library.

Father, thank You for creating marriage and giving me my wife/husband. I confess we sometimes clash because of selfishness. Help me enjoy her/him today the way you designed me to. In Jesus' name, Amen!

The whole village had smiles on their faces, just like the angel promised. Zechariah and Elizabeth, that wonderful old couple, had just announced they were having a baby!

The angel had said, "There will be joy and delight for you, and many will rejoice at his birth" (Luke 1:14). And there was. News of a healthy newborn always brings rejoicing. It happened at the birth of John the Baptist 2,000 years ago, and it happened this morning, with the birth of every baby at the local hospital.

A child is born…. Then come the challenges. 

Soiled diapers and sleepless nights, bumps and bruises, concerns over the child's development. "Shouldn't he be walking by now?" "She's not talking yet. Is she falling behind?" 

Toddler years are followed by the honeymoon of elementary school, followed by the challenges of adolescence when they're learning to act independently, make friends, impress the cute girl or guy in their class, and deal with pimples.

During seminary, Lori and I lived in the apartment complex adjacent to the school's academic buildings. The complex was shaped like a "U." It takes three years to earn a Master of Divinity degree, so men studied for two years, and then, during their final year, the wife would get pregnant just in time to have their first child at the same time they were getting hired to pastor a church somewhere. So many children were conceived in that U-shaped building that they called it "The fertile crescent."

Getting pregnant during my senior year was our plan, too. But it didn't happen. It took three more years of prayers and medical consultations before Bryan was conceived. Then, 21 days after he was born, he woke up with meningitis. The doctor gave him a 10% chance of dying and a 50% chance of brain damage or hearing loss. Thankfully, neither of those happened.

Several of our seminary classmates complained about how it was hard raising and paying for kids while going to school full-time. We never thought about complaining. Those years of waiting and that week of watching Bryan's seizures taught us how precious our little one was. 

Bringing up kids is no cakewalk. Yet, in spite of the scares and trials, children should be a joy. God calls them treasures.

   3 Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
   4 Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.
   5 How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!
        He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.
    Psalm 127:3-5.

If you're a parent, form a mental image of each of your children in your mind just now…. Quite a gift, aren't they?

Rejoice!

Father, thank You for creating children and for those You put around me, near me, or in my home. Thank You for the wonder of infancy and the joys of adulthood. I purpose to always be grateful and joyful for the children in my life. In Jesus' name, Amen!

Flip the script from yesterday. Instead of talking about joy and children, let’s talk about joy and parents. 

For some of us, that will be easy. For others, it will be hard. I'm in both camps on this one because growing up, I didn't like my dad, but by the time he passed away, I loved him dearly.

By my early 30's, I was somewhere in between those two extremes. One day, I read the 5th Commandment and noticed that the command had no pre-condition to it. 

“Honor your father and your mother so that you may have a long life in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12). 

God didn't decree that I should honor my parents "if." He didn't say, "Honor them if they treated you well." He just said, "honor them." And added the promise, "so that you will have a long life…"

The day Moses delivered the 10 Commandments, every person in the crowd had parents who had been slaves. Imagine how stressed they must have been: few resources, constant oppression, no time off, and abuse by their overlords. Hurt people often hurt people. It's likely many of those first hearers had less-than-wonderful parents, as do many people today.

So, honoring your mom or dad might be a challenge, and rejoicing over them might be even harder. But consider this: without them, you wouldn’t be here today. And this: since hurt people tend to hurt people, it’s likely that your difficult parent had a difficult parent themselves.

Even if both of your parents were difficult, it's likely that somewhere in your lineage, there are many ancestors you can rejoice over. For instance, I have a grandmother who prayed for me every day long before I became a Christ-follower. And I have a great-grandfather who pastored a church on an island off of Honduras. If I go back far enough, I have a great-great-great-great-(x 100)-grandfather named Noah. “Noah was righteous man…” (Genesis 6:9b). So do you. He saved the world.

I don’t know this for sure, but I think it’s important to find joy in your ancestry. These are the people you come from. Through them, God gave you your unique genes, personality, propensities, and tastes. God thinks you’re magnificent (Psalm 139:13). You inherited at least part of your magnificence from them.

If you need to, release some pain today. Let go of bitterness and regret so that you can experience more of God’s joy. 

And if you’ve had a great upbringing, rejoice deeply. You had a great gift!

Father, thank You for creating me, shaping me, and making me who I am. I rejoice in the family members that went before me. Thank You for my lineage and heritage and for making me remarkable and wonderful! I release my family's pain to You today, and I embrace the joy You have for me. In Jesus' name, Amen!

Proverbs 27:9 –
Oil and incense bring joy to the heart,
and the sweetness of a friend is better than self-counsel.

In 1,000 B.C., people didn't bathe as much as we do. Oils and perfume masked unwanted smells. When Solomon thought of the benefits of friendship, he thought about how happy he was when he smelled good and probably even happier when those who hung around his court smelled good.

He compared those good feelings to the feelings we get from having good friends. The Message translation puts it this way: “Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul” (Proverbs 27:9, MSG). In short, good friends bring joy!

The advent of the internet eliminated lots of social interactions. Then Covid struck, and we were taught that isolation was actually a good thing. We now know that little piece of advice was wrong. Dangerously wrong. We need relationships to maintain mental health. We need many acquaintances and several close friends.

This is part of why I encourage every member of my church to be part of a Life Group, serve on a Serving Team, and attend church in person every week. Humans are social animals. We really do need each other. 

I'm writing this on a Wednesday morning. I spent last evening with our Leadership Board, yesterday morning with our Staff Team, and I'll spend this evening with my Life Group. These three groups provide me with a rich friendship circle.

The Apostle Paul says we ought to be close enough with at least a few people that we weep when they're sad, and we rejoice when they're happy (Romans 12:15). In yesterday's Staff Team meeting, we wept over a stillbirth in one of the families of the church. Then, we went to lunch to rejoice over the engagement of one of our janitors.

In our board meeting, we wept over the child's loss, and we rejoiced about significant progress in several of our ministries.

Tonight, Lori and I are joining the rest of our Life Group for dinner at a local restaurant. We’ve spent nine months studying the Bible and praying for one another. Tonight is a time to rejoice over the rich memories we’ve built together.

My soul needs these things. Friendships are a cherished part of life on earth. David said, “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” (Psalm 133:1).

Your assignment today (should you choose to accept it) is to spend 30 seconds thinking through your relationships. Do you have some close ones? 

In my experience, the people you’re likely to grow closest with 
(1) are people who share your faith in Jesus. Are you part of a life group, Bible study, or friendship group that has that in common?  
(2) are committed to advancing God’s cause shoulder to shoulder with you. Are you part of a ministry team in your church? And,
(3) worship together on Sunday mornings. Is that part of your weekly pattern? 

With the pace of our society, few people grow close unless they make a deliberate decision to meet regularly. Usually, that means a weekly commitment. Joys are multiplied, and sorrows are diminished when we live in such communities.
 
Father, thank You for the friendships in my life! I believe You made me need relationships with at least a few other people. Bless my friends, and help me to be a blessing to one or more of them today. In Jesus' name! Amen.

Philippians 4:1 –
Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord…

The Apostle Paul was in prison when he wrote that sentence, which gave him time to think. One thing he thought about was how much he loved the people in the little church out there in Philippi.

Study their history, and you'll discover that Paul didn't actually spend much time with the Philippians. He arrived in August. The town council asked him to leave in October. Eleven years later, he dropped in for an even briefer visit. 

How do people become so close in so little time?

There’s a formula for it: Intensity + mutual labor + personal sacrifice = bonded brotherhood.

Ask Jonathan and David about it. “Jonathan was bound to David in close friendship, and loved him as much as he loved himself” (1 Samuel 18:1). The two of them served together to protect God’s people in a time of war. It was intense. They sweated together, and they sacrificed for the safety of the people.

Ask a unit of Marines on the frontlines of battle. They’re brothers forever.

In Acts 16, Paul and his friend Silas visited the city of Philippi and immediately began leading people to Christ. One of them offered them lodging. Another hosted their nightly gatherings. The growing band prayed together, served together, and donated together to finance the work of God. 

Bonds form quickly when those three elements are present. And the unexpected by-product is joy. I know about this personally.

Thirty-some years ago, Lori and I moved to Oceanside to plant New Song Community Church. Two other couples moved with us. One of them had a friend stationed at Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton. That couple joined us soon after we arrived in town.

We labored together to start the church. It was intense. We prayed, we fasted, we invited, and we contributed our life savings together.

In the years that followed, the Marine couple received transfer orders. The other two couples started businesses that led them to move elsewhere, too. 

New Song holds an anniversary celebration every five years. These founders fly back every time. For our 30th Anniversary, we decided to rent an Airbnb together. We spent three days sharing precious memories together. 

Yesterday, I received this text:
Hal, after speaking with Scott E., I mentioned wanting to spend this year with friends as much as possible. It's a milestone for me turning 60, and recent health events have made me realize that time is precious.

That said, would you and Lori be available to come to Colorado Springs from the 16th to the 19th of October? I would like to host a dinner for all of us at the Broadmoor. And put you both up there on Thursday and Friday. Scott E. has graciously offered their home to stay and to pick up travel for you both. Deb and I will cover any other expenses. Working with the Graftons on this as well. Please let us know. Would love to spend time with you both.

Thirty-some years ago, my vision was laser-focused on starting a church to help people come to know the Savior. I had no idea that one collateral blessing would be such a deep, lifelong friendship. But I now know why Paul called those Philippians his "joy and crown." It's because one of the greatest joys in life is working hard and sacrificing together for the cause of Christ. It bonds you like brothers and brings a deep sense of joy whenever you reflect on it.

I wish this for you. I wish you the opportunity to jump into ministry with both feet. Choose a ministry in the church that utilizes your spiritual gifts, expresses what you love to do, and do it with a small team of others, together. Pool your financial resources to make the biggest difference you can for that ministry. Work hard at it, and watch God work. 

You’ll bond for eternity. And know joy unspeakable.

Father, today I ask that You direct me to a ministry in our church where I can make a significant difference alongside a few others. (You may already be in that ministry. If so, rejoice!) Use us for Your glory, and bind us together with chords that cannot be broken. In Jesus’ name, Amen!

Here’s some really good news: there are four major actions you can take to generate joy in your family.

1. Love.
“Above all, maintain constant love for one another; since love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). 

The Greek language has four words for love: philia, eros, storge, and agape. The first is friendship or brotherly love; the second is romantic love; the third is family love (empathy, affection); and the fourth is agape, which is the word Peter uses here. Agape is selfless love, unconditional love, love that never fails, never gives up, and is never self-seeking but always wants the best for the other person.

To practice agape love, you've pretty much got to do two things every day. The first is to walk with the Spirit so that you are filled with His power. The second is to get up every morning and pray for those you live with. You're human, so you'll fall short, but if you do these two things, you'll continue to grow, and your family will overlook and forgive because they'll see your heart. That's how the multitude of sins gets covered.

2. Listen.
“…be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19). One quick and two slows, corresponding with your one mouth and two ears.

Almost nothing says, "I care about you," as much as paying attention when someone is speaking to you (instead of listening until they pause so you can say something back). 

Good listeners look the other person in the eye while they’re speaking. They ask probing questions like, “Tell me more?” and “How did that make you feel?”

3. Forgive.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. 14 Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity” Colossians 3:12-14

Granting forgiveness is rarely easy, especially when you've been hurt. And especially when the person who hurt you lives with you and has gained your trust. But holding onto bitterness or resentment only hurts you and keeps your distance from that other person. 

With some levels of hurt, you'll need to give your hurt to God and let go of your unforgiveness multiple times on multiple days. For those types of wounds, read Colossians 3:13 daily and talk to the Father while you're reading it.

4. Take God on Vacation with You.
Vacations build memories together. Those memories bond you together and build a sense of family identity. 

The best vacations don't have to be expensive; they just have to include God. You can staycation for no extra expense or visit a national park for little expense. 

I discovered by accident that two practices did more to bond my family than any other. One was taking annual vacations that included time for a quiet time each morning. The other was serving the Lord together in church.  

When Bryan was nine and Amy was eight, we rented a cabin that had a loft upstairs. The first morning, I excused myself, climbed up to the loft, and had a time of prayer and Bible reading. The second morning, I invited Bryan to join me. The third morning, I invited Amy. They learned how to read the Bible and pray by being with me. They also learned that their dad valued God more than anything else I could do with my free time.

At about that same age, they both volunteered to serve in our children’s ministry. Every Sunday, all four of us went to church to serve in a ministry somewhere. On the way home, we’d share what happened while we were serving.

Now, my kids are doing the same thing with their kids. We have a bond as a family that is doubly bonded because of our shared relationship with the Lord. On many Sunday nights, we'll gather for dinner, tired but happy. I can't describe to you the depth of joy I feel as I look around that table.

Father, strengthen the bonds of my family today. Help me to love, listen, and forgive. Help me bring you on vacation with us this year. And direct us each to places of ministry where we can build Your kingdom according to our unique gifts and interests. In Jesus' name, Amen!